I'm talking Crap!

Too often you don't realize what you have until it's gone. 

...you're too stubborn to say, 'Sorry, I was wrong' 

you hurt the ones closest to your hearts, 

and you let the most foolish things tear you apart... 

Finally you learn to let go... That's expected of you! And once you've mastered the act of letting go you fall into the trap repeatedly, each time you let go! 

There are times when you feel out of place. As if the world’s end is inching closer to gulp you down, swallow you in flesh and bone. All you see around is people talking, laughing about things alien to you. Each of their expression and the thrill with which they gel along comes as a mockery on the limited time you've spent all your life on stuff they’re boasting about! It’s jarring. It’s suffocating. It leaves you flabbergasted. Still you endure. You let go! 

Each eye you look in reflects to you finer beauty than you are. Every face you glance around appears the most beautifully sculpted. Every person you meet happens to have some story to spin. And there you stand amongst them all hollow and lacking charm. With attributes of fewer interests to the world you’re around. You feel helpless. And Helplessness is such a rotten feeling. There's nothing you can do about it. Being helpless is like being paralyzed. It's sickness. The cure calls for a monumental effort to stand up and start walking somewhere, anywhere. But that takes a lot of time, and again an act of letting go! 

And surprisingly you still discover the nerve to you set out on a search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more approving of who you are. One who tells you it isn't a crime being the way you have been throughout. 

Your arms grope forward to find those that can guide you when your tears block your vision in darkness. So you couldn't run away from yourself any more. So that you can confess how terribly miserable you have been feeling with the way the world is. And it instills a terror in you. 

You yearn to feel those strong arms around you to help you not tremble. Turned from the rest of the world only to be safe and protected in that embrace. To be yourself. All you make an effort is to whimper like a small animal in a trap, pushing yourself closer to him and saying in a choked voice, "I'm so frightened!"

"I know, my love," the voice would say. "I'm so sorry you were hurt."

And you would feel yourself being pulled up to him, his grip around you tight. It would be a strange feeling in that dark world around you, where not even the light of the moon cast any illumination. 

And in that searing jiffy, ALL you wish to be whispered to you is… 

"My love, there is no need to fear now. I shall protect you from those who are condescending to you. I shall keep you comfortable, and warm. I’ll be your companion. I’ll make you feel special, different from others. 

And most importantly, I’ll not let your entire life become an act of letting go!!

Just stay around me, and come what may, I’ll stay around you!!”

Till We Meet Again…

"I’ve never given much thought to how I would die, but today, this moment, dying giving birth to a new life seems like a good way to go. One of the few privileges of having met with an accident while you are pregnant, (luckily) your husband is not around and docs can’t reach out to your loved ones is that YOU get to make that one tough decision. Yes! They are mere docs; mortals themselves! At the best of their ability they give you a choice. And a choice IS all that matters in that instance of pride and excruciating loss, you’re a part of at the same time. Least, you can be anything but slow in fulfilling your duty as a mother! So here in this searing jiffy, both by choice and by compulsion, I come to a cold agreement with  my resolution, my end; and let my young one come alive through me to this world.

There are other advantages too:  After taking on that heart rending decision, like a true warrior, like a quivering individual, like a strong mother, you do find those few stolen moments to write to pen down your own obituary.

To the uninitiated, I am Tamanna Shahzaad; I grew up in a burst ling yet laidback town of Lucknow, attended school there, became a noted journalist, got married to a geek, and had a family only to find that I’ll not be a part of it towards the end. And that end would come sooner than thought. Shahzaad, my husband is a gentle, romantic, loving and an adorable man. He stood by me in my toughest of times. We have seen through tough times and rough patches. Our relationship blossomed with every passing day. He is my reservoir of strength. However, there comes a time in life when you need to look for that well of courage within yourself, in the deepest darkest unexplored corners of your mind. To my husband I might have ditched him as a companion, I promised him to stay around forever, but he’ll be a proud father. And then when things sink in, he’ll be a proud husband again to realise the mother overpowered the wife in his woman. And that his wife’s resting in eternal peace having done that!

Alas! Life takes a nasty turn and you only become a story in the end!

Life in one instance poured in an avalanche of ecstasy, more than I could cope with and in the other took away more than I could return. Sometimes life gives you no choice but to share your thoughts with the world, to tell them you’ve been strong, led a worthy existence and that you beholden to this fact!

I am thankful to many people who were an edifice of support for me.

My beloved father and mother - the pillars of my short lived existence on this planet. 

They have an impression so deep in my heart that it keeps getting indelible each day. My in-laws!  My beloved family and friends.

Now, as I look back on the people, relationships, memories and stories I left behind, I can’t help but confess how lovely it had been back then. It was a journey through bliss, only to end in bliss!

Oblivion is calling shots, and I’m content to repose. And for the last few times that my heart throbs slowly against my ribs –it’ll miss this golden disc up there every morn, and the pale white one on the dark night, that lonely walk down the memory lane, that stroll through the busy city, and the one through the sleeping country side, those never stopping roads, the memory of my child’s moves’ in my womb, that holding of hand of Shahzaad to share mutually the thrill of becoming first-time parents. Each of these keeps coming back but I have moved on. I had to.

Beautiful days! Happy to have been here. 

“Shahzaad! Take care of our child!”

Forever yours, in this world, and every other (if there is any!).

Tamanna". 

Quivering and Strong!!!

As if time had undone itself, they started it all over again. It’s good to be in love but its bliss to keep those unknown feelings under leash, and then love in all purity without saying as much.

Zi rolled his eyes and took J’s hand. His hands tightly clasped around hers, with the pulses of their wrists beating together and his fingers feeling up her nails and knuckles. It gave her a feeling of nervous clutters in the best way. For a moment J froze. In the next she took his hands and interlaced her fingers through his. Zi looked at J, his lips parted in surprise, but then he smiled innocently and gave her hand a tighter hold and a godly comfort! 

A wondrous subtle thing is love, for here were the two, who had never considered each other beyond friends till date, between whom no word or even look of lust and infatuation had ever passed, and yet now in an hour of dissonance and boredom that settled around them there, their hands instinctively sought for each other. J has marveled at it since, but at the time it seemed the most natural thing that he would reach out to her so, and, as she has often told him, there is in her also the instinct to turn to him for comfort and protection. So they sat there hand in hand like two children, with Zi's fingers writing words on J’s hand, and peace settled around them like a blanket while they played the game-of-words. 

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been clicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with. You rise above mediocre lovers. You mutate to soul mates.

Zi and J found the perfect companion in each other. J would complete sentences that Zi left mid-way in a conversation, like she was there in his mind playing the telepath. Zi talked to her about everything under the sun. In lighter conversations they even discussed adult stuff, and marveled at their compatibility with each other. (Sounds fun!)

And there were other things that gave them greater fun and kick. That what made things happen to them in their head! Like when Zi almost thawed when J, sat pillion in that spacecraft, and wrote long secret sentences on his back all the way they flew. And J blushed away from pink to red when Zi took a back seat only to plant a thousand pecks on her cheeks, and neck and shoulders and arms while she maneuvered the "Blackbird". He would be lost in the scent of her body, her hair. He would peck her on her eyes and her forehead. He would bite her on her ears, at times on her neck as well. He would grab her tight, tightest; with all his strength.

And it happened that magical evening that Zi began, and J waited, heart throbbing in her throat. 

“What?” she asked, just as his head swooped in and his lips touched hers. She tried to speak, but one of Zi’s hands held the back of her head, and he kept his lips pressed against hers, kissing her softly but with a Zi-like determination.

Zi tilted his head to kiss her more deeply, and she felt totally lightheaded and numb, both at the same time. Then she remembered to breathe through her nose, and the numbness cleared a tiny bit. Somehow they were pressed together, Zi’s arms around J now, sliding on her rib cage, his hands flat against her back. J stretched on her toes and held Zi with all her might. Like, the two stood there as one body, one soul. 

It was incredible. They loved it. She loved him. He loved her.

Pure bliss it is to be there, and not to be there!!! Ah, what happiness it is to be with someone who keeps you happy, to press hands, press cheeks, smile into eyes, to kiss with all purity, to hug like divine…

“My family left me to die,

BUT I’VE FOUND MY HAPPINESS”

"My wrinkled countenance reflects my misery,
my dirt-lined nails exude my toil.
I'm.
A mother. A daughter.
A chaste. A sinner.
A women. An Indian."

The other day when I was out to capture poverty dwelling in slums for a photography contest, I met Anwari.

Anwari, 50, huddles around the dark, dirty sludge-laden meandering lanes of the Naza market, in Lucknow, day and night, playing a waste-picker.  In between gathering all dirt and sludge, the frail wrinkled woman smiles, and agrees to pose for me when Jahan, her best friend joins her. United by a common fate, the two women engross themselves in work and chatter, cherishing a friendship that goes beyond age, work hours and gossip.

Anwari’s parents abandoned her when she was in her metric. Being a girl and the only child to her parents proved fatal for her. Too young to shoulder the burdens of an unsupporting family and teenage trauma, she smiled through it all 40 years of life, with Jahan, as a waste gatherer!

It’s been five-years-and-a-half since Anwari was diagnosed with the cancer of the nasopharynx (nasal part of the throat). Back then, as a school girl in a village, she’d dismissed the headaches and fever as common flu. To avoid taunts from her alcoholic father, she suffered in silence. It was only when Jahan saw traces of blood running down Anwari’s nose, she realized something was horribly wrong with her best friend and she took her to a doctor. “I was going mad with pain. I’d scream for hours,” Anwari shudders. Tired of her outburst, Jahan decided to take her to her village, where her parents lived.

Jahan’s friendship brought Anwari a temporary relief, but her parents abandoned her for life this time.

“They don’t want me to live with them,” says Anwari. “Though I have explained that cancer isn’t contagious, they think they’ll get it from me.” Unable to bear the humiliation she faced every day, Anwari tried to commit suicide, and once again was consoled by Jahan.

A convulsion of pain ran across the length and breadth of my body and I sat there frozen. To begin a lighter conversation with Anwari, I spent an hour with her chatting about everything from her health to her favorites. Soon the old woman transformed to a bubbly teenager. Slowly the conversation drifted to Azam, a man in his late fifties, Anwari’s co-worker and also a cancer patient.

The old man is thin and gaunt with deep wrinkles in the back of his neck. The brown blotches of the benevolent skin cancer the sun brings from its reflection on the tropic sea were on his cheeks. Anwari considers him the perfect man for her. They are together all day. Oblivious to others, they find solace in each other. Anwari is wary of talking about him, but the shy smile at the mention of his name is testimony to the surreal bond they share at the second innings of their age. The duo is unaffected by the glares of the society. “He understands my pain better than anyone ever can, barring Jahan,” says Anwari. Azam has given her hope for a future she did not believe in. “I asked him, jokingly, if he’d marry me, and he said he would if he had his own house,” she blushes.

P.S. – Anwari and Azam are currently undergoing treatment at a local hospital, courtesy Jahan. 

Some "Marriages-Relationships-Aftermath -- Blah! Blah!" crap. 

 The fable of a multitude of so called modern relationships is a variation on a common theme: the conspiracy between men and women to murder the Powerful. Usually when we think of power, or two married souls ponder over it or even more when just two opposite sexes get pensive about the power of power.-they think of external powers, and of powerful people who have institutionalized “marriage” in the world. And being victimized by this powerful notion I used to think I needed a powerful man, someone who could protect me from the harshness and evils of the dirty world. What I've cum to realize is that evils of the ugly world that confront me every now and then-mostly when I’m all by myself-are a reflection of my own dilemma, my internal state, my mind. The powerful man I was looking for would be primarily, someone who supported me in keeping me on track spiritually and help me maintain clarity within me that life would pose fewer problems.

I no longer yearn for a husband who would say to me, “Don’t worry, honey. If they are mean to you, I’ll beat them up or buy them out”. Instead my only heart pines for a life partner who prays with me regularly so that fewer monsters from the outer world disturb me, and who, when they do, guides me to look within my own consciousness for answers to combat false patriarchal power.

And I believe this is what every girl and the woman in her desires in her perspective of the institution of marriage. Both men and women at some point in time do incline to marry. But how much of their desire is natural and how much of it is cultural is still remains a million dollar question. What is certainly natural is our desire for the beloved. What is cultural is our tendency to forget that a piece of paper cannot tie hearts together. The issue is not whether we marry but whether we allow any choice of lifestyle to impinge on their ability to fly.

I once heard someone say that women, married ones in particular can’t write for nuts. I don’t believe this is true, but I understand what it means. The crux of the matter is marriage is not a mere convention but it is often looked as one and, as such, will sink instead of uplifting a woman’s spirit.

Today, with the advent of technology and various social networking boards, I see relationships losing their sanctity. It’s all in the open, and it’s mostly more of open ones. Trust is ever losing. Like all other things, people flaunt break-ups and separation more prominently than engagements. One cheating on the other is a clichéd story. And the impact of these sites is so much that a girl literally ended her life reading her husband’s latest status about their ‘’spiltsville’!!!    

Huh! Is that all we value relationships for??? I’m afraid if our relationships agree to this in the affirmative!!!

Let technology serve our love for one another. And not for our mutual destruction. Let intelligence lead us to peace and not to war; to commitment that involves complete surrender. Let our actions be used to heal and not to further wound.

Being in a relationship means much more than fighting, cheating, doubting, and then separating! And as women we must keep this message alive. We must understand its importance and relay it to others. Whispering it in the dark and shouting it in the light of the day.

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.

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Yeaaaah! I’m done. That’s it!

Fashion just got trendier this summer!

Kurtas with leggings, cropped pants, multiple skirts, cotton tees and tanks – Hey girls!!! I've got you some quirky summer fashion styles! 
(With expert inputs from Abhijeet Sunny).

Whether you are planning on spending a day at the poolside, frolicking on the beach or simply running under the sprinkler, cool summer wear for hot lazy summer days is a must. Keep the heat at bay and look stylish and hip throughout the season. Beginning with the most basic of summer requirements – Shorts and Cropped Pants - The rising temperatures seek out the rising hemlines to make a hot fashion statement. Bermudas, both short and long, and a variety of cropped pants; capris, gauchos and ankle length pants are in this summer, besides the comfortable, cool, airy, easy-to-wear outfits.

That's just how women like their clothes to be during summers and what's better than our Indian kurtis, salwar-kurtas and saris to beat the heat?

While some of my friends vouch for the Indian wear, others simply fall for western counterparts. For all our lazzy lasses Indian clothes serve the purpose to the T. They are airy, breathy, loose and size-friendly and so they are best suited for the season which lasts for almost eight months. "Nothing other than the kurtas teamed with jeans, churidaar or loose salwars make me feel at ease during the peak summer season", tells my best pal to me, and I laugh heartily at her little nose trying its best to align itself to a thousand facial expressions displayed in a fraction second! "Zoya, you're impossible! And I love for you for it", I said. 

Anyway, the point to be driven home is if the thought of lots of bare skin this summer makes you want to hide under a baggy cardigan, take a fresh look at how to make fashion work for you right now. Nowadays, kurtis can be teamed up with leggings as well, or with those desirous what they call it 'dhoti' salwaars, which gives it a cool trendy "cut above the rest' look. And I believe girls and women alike are really keen on wearing denim capris and lose tank tops for the comfort that they provide. 

But but but....! Here comes the twist. My dear friend Abhijeet Sunny, a promising name in the glamour world, a fashion designer by profession and a fashionista at heart is not of the idea that Indian women tend to wear more Indian clothes during summer. 'Although I agree that Indian clothes make you feel free, fashion trends in India have changed. Indian women have come off age with respect to their style statements. Chic is in vogue, for all seasons. The Indian-ness in the clothes is alive but in a different way. They wear tunics with huge hats, stilettos with polka dot shorts, English bail-bottoms with camouflage print camisole tees, skull print Bermudas, animal prints with jeweled collars, tiger face motifs and high strap sandals to go with. They are experimental, off track, unusual, contemplative and yes, in rhythm, on beat! I don't think many young women would be seen sporting a salwar-kameez unless it is for a formal occasion,' continued Abhijeet, and I, without blabbering much, nodded dutifully.

On second thoughts, I did agree gone are the days when girls felt uneasy wearing short-lengths or, for that matter, they hesitated endorsing western stuff. Now, it all wraps around sporting the newest trend, be it college or your workplace. We have all the more freedom to experiment with our wardrobe with these new skirts which are the best to beat the heat, but in finding your perfect skirt length, a word of caution for all my lovely beautiful women here. My fashion wisdom says a skirt's width should never be more than its length to transform you into a summer fashion diva. 

And then even the scorching heat can't stop you ladies from sashaying around this summer with the season's 'it' look. So go ahead you beauties, summer fashion is again at your feet!

Its a matter of time. Give it time. 

Sometimes you 'HAVE TO' settle with destiny's cards...

Even when you deserve more, and your conscience ticks you off a loser! You develop a hateful vehemence for yourself. Every passing second your world seems inching closer its end. 

Doomed, cracked into N pieces, smashed to smithereens, you do acquiesce to life's mockery. The dream you chased religiously drains you out of the last drop. For little you knew in the beginning the loss of it could be so devastating. 

Forlorn you remain, battling hard to prevent your worst fears stare you in the eye! You writhe in pain. You scream, shout; grapple to hold on...

Courage becomes a pretense when you long only for your time to come by!

Yeah 'Time'.

It hurts hard. It heals forever.

The next time you plan a break, head for Goa - the land of sun, sand, and surfing! 

Ever wondered what is common to breathtaking land forms  thickly forested hills, sun-kissed and palm-fringed beautiful beaches, exotic parties, a honeymoon getaway and a bowl of prawn curry served hot! No prizes for guessing, GOA it is! As one paces up the pebble roads that circumvent round dense green forests, one can’t help but marvel at the natural beauty that thrives in this most sought after holiday destinations in the world! And yes, of course, the warmth and cordiality that Goans exude makes this tiny yet striking state an absolute holidaymaker’s paradise. 

Timeline

With the western Konkan belt lacing its coastal territory, this ‘Pearl of the Orient’ was formerly a Portuguese colony until 1961 when it became a union territory of the Indian union and was conferred state hood in 1987, hence becoming the 25th state of India. Conjointly, Goa’s soul delves deep into its unique history that, on one hand, legends Lord Parshuram, an incarnation of Lord Vishnu, with its creation, and on the other deems in St Francis Xavier as its progenitor!

Exotic Beaches of Goa

If you happen to be a stickler for parties, night clubs and discos, then friends, north Goa is the ultimate beach spot you got to hit on.  And that’s not it! For those ‘just-married’ hearts that covet for some cosy personal honeymooning, south Goa boasts of a perfect blend of stunning scenic beauty, serenity and tranquility!

Anjuna Beach

Post an 18km road-drive from the capital city of Panaji, awaits you the north ‘Goa freak capital of the world’, the hub of late moonlit dance parties with loud floor burning music, to give you a real high! And still if you are left with the nerve of experiencing some more adrenalin rush, then go, run to let your body loose as you para glide in the lucid azure sky, windsurf on the gushy foamy waters and play a yachtie on the Arabian sea.

Colva Beach

A 180’ turn from the Anjuna beach for a drive of some 40kms from Panaji lands you on a 20 km emerald stretch dotted with rows of swaying palm trees, a long silver sand shoreline bathed by the fresh sea breeze. Colva beach besides cocooning romanticism also prides itself in being the largest and the oldest beach of Goa and is a must see for all seeking a laid back holiday vacation.

Calangute Beach

16km from Panaji you bump into another spot where the sea and the sun mingle in perfect harmony! Once a quiet fishing village, this ‘Queen of the beaches’ also is witness to the footprints of a lazily, hand-in-hand, strolling couple on its sands. Being the largest commercial resort of Goa, Calangute beach bursts with its three Ss: Sun, Silver Sand and Sea food. And for the same reason is home to a multitude of international tourists.

Baga Beach

Sandwiched between the Colva and the Colangute, lies this perfect getaway from the hustle bustle of the city. Nestled at the confluence of river Mandovi and river Zuari, Baga beach gives you your most awaited dolphin and backwater crocodile spotting thrill as you marinate in the sun there or go paddle boating!

Holy Churches

Goa has a vibrant cultural diversity that seeps deep into the social fabric and makes it synonymous with churches. Living testimonies to the legacy of indo colonial architecture, these churches make Goa the ROME-OF-THE-EAST!

 Basilica of Bom Jesus 

The silver casket, enclosing the mortal remains of St Francis Xavier, contained in this 16th century archetype speaks volume about the unwavering faith that Goans stem in their founder. 

So folks, on visiting this famous, inlaid with precious stones and beautifully glided altar church, don’t forget to light the candles given to you by your guide at the church entrance; coz if traditional beliefs are anything to go by, and the candles lit by you don’t extinguish even once before they completely burn themselves out, then you’re the lucky one man! Go! All your wishes would be granted!!!

Church of Saint Francis of Assisi 

Right across the Basilica in old Goa, is standing another 16th century superstructure, the most striking feature of which is the Golden Bell hanging in the topmost tower of this church. Though you wouldn’t get a chance to ring the bell, (I know its... Awww! Sad!), yet clambering up the apples and pears leading to the bell tower will certainly give you a real view of the largest bell in the world. A sight worth the plight!

Shri Bhagvati temple

Oh yes! How can one forget the epitome of female grace, grandeur and power- the Ashtbhuja that reins over Goa – Maa Durga. Located in Pernem, the temple displays the blend of Indian and Portuguese architecture, the most impressive part being the two imposing elephant statues at its entrance. And Guys! Do have a sneak peak at the shopping market in the by lanes that lead to this temple! Also, lots of ‘Nariyal-pani’ available there!!!

Goan Cuisine

Awesome was the word reverberated amongst the other tourists, in a candid chitchat with me, as they went on describing the mouth watering Goan delicacies. I mean seriously, all thanks to the vast water expanse that engulfs Goa, this exiguous state thrives in sea food – prawns, mackerels, sardines, crabs and lobsters are most popular both with the visitors and the locals. While fish and rice remain the staple diet in Goa, the travellers have a plethora of spicy and non vegetarian dishes that their tastes buds would identify with. Owing to the Indo-Catholic orientation of the Goan cuisine, the Fish Sarpotel-a preparation of diced fish flavoured with Portuguese vinegar and sautéed with Indian spices is a must try! Trust me. You’d love this delectable delicacy!

Goan Feni distillation

Feni

And then is FENI, to wash all that down!

Sitting on the sun kissed Calangute beach, staring into the blue Arabian Sea, holding a bowl of Feni... you couldn’t ask for a better heady concoction. FENI is a local refreshing drink that has a distinct aroma and comes in two variants: Coconut and Cashew. An alcoholic beverage that doubles up as a cocktail, Feni is the first drink in India to possess a GI (geographical indicator), a sign that authentic Feni can only be sourced from Goa. Double distilled, pure in colour, this drink sells brand GOA to the world. Point to be noted: Fenni shouldn’t be left untouched!!!

Goa Carnival

Celebrated every year in the month of February and spanning over 3 days and 3 nights, this is the most awaited time of the year when the entire Goa is soaked in dance, fun, music and food providing a fulsome entertainment to young and old alike. What was once a rowdy affair full with street fight and lavish food has now transformed itself into an improved not-to-be-missed Avatar. All hell breaks loose during these three days, as people come together to celebrate the most colourful festivals of Goa. 

Right at start you stand a chance to be the king of the carnival, also called the King of Chaos, ‘momo’, and preside over it for the next 3 days. The days and nights are all fun filled, the streets have floats pouring in, live bands playing loud and the frenzy is on an all time high. Carnival brings out the best in you so if haven’t had enough of Goa, Go Carnival!

Goa Wildlife Sanctuary

Blessed with mesmerising natural beauty and dense forests, Goa offers an ideal haven for its vibrant wildlife. Home to myriad species of birds and animals, Goa also houses the ‘Gaur’, the state animal and ‘Yellow Bulbul’, the state bird. 

Move into the hearts of Goa and you might chance upon flying lizards, kingfishers, elephants, oysters, sloth bear, giant squirrels and hold your breath… A Tiger! Thousands of migratory birds, including cranes and pelicans can also be spotted in and around the river Mondovi. So now you know, there is something really ‘wild’ in Goa besides the ‘wild’ parties!

And do let me know whenever u're heading for Goa! I'll always have something interesting to tell....

But before that have a look at these! 

The dockyard as visible from the out tourist bus. 

The various colorful cruise at the dockyard. Its beautiful! 

Yes it is! The Central Jail of Goa! 

Our Cruise. Isn't it mesmerizing!!!

Coral Queen was her name!

The famous bungalow of a diamond businessman. The palace where "HASEENA MAAN JAYEGI" was filmed! 

The wax museum in Goa. displaying the "Last Supper". The statues are made of wax, that can melt at room temperature.

The meandering roads of Goa! 

The birth of Jesus displayed at the wax museum! 

Para sailing was so much fun!

The folk dances at our cruise!

Needless to say anything!

The Bridge visible at a distance behind the ships is the same on which the stars of Dhoom 2 raced, and several parts of the movie were filmed! Wow, what a thrill!!! 

This day, that year…

Lucknow to me is still peculiar!!! 

The gentle, laid-back Tehzib, so reminiscent of the city of Nawabs has given way to the fast-lane junky-funky style of the GenX and I fall in love with Lucknow again this year, as nostalgia takes over and I rewind the transitional journey of this incredible city.. 

I guess this is a fundamental wiring fault in my brain that I keep pondering a lot, over issues which might be of very little importance to all others, but to me they become a subject of vehemence. Somebody once told me “a writer’s expertise lies in seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary, and then producing one piece of literature that becomes a rarity!!!” Huh! As if it is so easy! I said to myself, today, as I sat by myself and reclined on my favorite wooden chair to allow sunlight kiss my being. (The only cool thing about winters is the sunlight!) And as I was thinking about the nuances of the world around me, with closed eyes and an “enlightened Buddha” smile on my face, something that shook me off my near-to-attaining-enlightenment-stage was a thought about my city, my Lucknow! 

Yes! Surprisingly, Lucknow is the only city in contradiction with itself. In fact, it would be deluding, on my part, to call it "a city". Picturesque and mostly peaceful, Lucknow, in spite of bursting at its seams with an ever-overflowing populace and being perpetually clamorous, still retains an old-world spaciousness and a disarming laidback demeanor. Situated on the banks of the river Gomti, a tributary of the mighty Ganges, Lucknow has an "atmosphere" all of its own - one which appeals to the romantic in each one of us. The river lazily meanders along as its snakes its way through the city, bisecting it into two turbulent halves…and each half unfolds its own interesting tale to me! 

Straddling both banks of the Gomti River, the crowded canvas of Lucknow limns vast contrasting features which easily blend with each other. From 'Paan' to Pastas, 'maqbaras' to malls, 'chatpati chat' to candid coffees... Lucknow is one place whose every facet is at its zenith, and I just love it. While Lucknow can be proud of huge tempting malls on one hand, the elegance and grace of 'hamara purana Lucknow' is no less bewitching to me on the other. "The 'nafaasat' and 'nazakat' have still held back their grandeur and appeal till date. 'Adaab' is the very first word reverberated when I see people greet their loved ones, besides exchanging warm love laden hugs. And what’s extremely exciting to me is recalling one of those rainy days when I hung out with my gang of girls, and went nuts clicking photographs of all that came our way under the sun! Or no! For that day I would say “under-the-rain”. And in that moment of ecstasy I looked around and found that even on such rainy days satisfying appetite at the road side 'dhabaas' still remains a fashion incorrigible for all the devotees of simplicity, and the likes of me !!!. ;-) 

All through 2012, when I had ample time on my hands to sneak peek into the real Lucknow and see it as a city from an observer’s eye, I realized the most unmistakable aspect of Lucknow is its people. Primarily because they are everywhere - hanging out of buses, queued in front of cinemas, jostling on the sidewalks - they are just all over the place. "Lucknow is an old style shopper's paradise. The city is fit for all those who still believe that the art of shopping is a divine gifted quality that can only be mastered upon in the congested alleys of old bazaars of Aminabad and Nakhass and Chowk, and not in some air-conditioned malls located in a plush locality. Blended in history, these shopping places also are frequently used as the popular means of passing time and lazy strolling. This does not come as a surprise for a city that is not only famous for its lethargy but also has a sense of pride over it, isn’t it! 

And today when the rest of the world is uprooting itself from its ethical codes and adhering to extreme urbanization, crime rates are soaring doubly high, and women are getting increasingly unsafe, Lucknow stands as an exceptional example of a city which symbolizes grace without losing out on its pace. SANTROs and i-10s might be flooding the roads of innovative Lucknow, but there are still lovers of the 'Tonga' ride! Exchanging greetings at the 'nukkad wala' tea stall and then indulging into crispy gossip with friends while going on a long 'tanga savaari' still fascinates the oldies! Besides, another mesmerizing facet of this city of Nawaabs is the enchanting sweetness and divinity that flows from the language of Urdu. The 'Qawwalis' and the 'Mushaira' séance in the serpentine lanes of Old Lucknow are just the thing to satiate all buffs of Sufism and romanticism respectively, and they transport me to a different world altogether! 

However, nevertheless, the mall culture and retail boom are re-inventing the face of Lucknow making it an urban utopia. With the opening of several swanky new malls, and several others in the pipeline, Lucknow is boasting of designer labels, hypermarkets – all under one roof. Shopping has never been a more pleasurable experience for Lucknowites. And it’s amazing to see how fast Lucknow is changing. Previously I would head for the metros for my favorite brands but today everything’s a square kilometer away. One of my aunt, who always has an opinion on everything under the sun, and who couldn't miss going to “The” Lucknow Mahotsav this year as well, said, “What is interesting in the Mahotsav is depiction of the city itself which is so synonymous with its culinary like Lucknow's famous, the 'Tunda Kavabi', 'Kulcha-Nihari', Biryani, Paya and Halim. Ye to cheap and best hai ji”, she said in a voice soaked in enthusiasm and honey. Never mind I thought, aunts are all always the same!!! 

And the urban Lucknowites, like my aunt, also know how to let their hair down and party if the Page-3 parties in the city are anything to go by. With themes ranging from Caribbean Nights to Indian Weddings, at swanky lounges and prominent hotels, apna Lucknowites are party-hearties! From Teej celebrations to a recently held wine fest which boasted of everything from cocktails, cakes and chocolates to wine Pani Puris, I see people really don't need a reason to party anymore! Don't you feel everything is happening! I think the theme song "Hum Lukhnavi zabardast," of a recently launched FM radio station, aptly describes modern Lucknow, what say!!! 

And yes! Some might say that Lucknow has moved miles away from the graceful Tehzib of the 'Pehle aap' generation, to the step-aside, grab-it-all fast lane – the jazzy cars and snazzy styles, the change hasn’t been significant enough to lessen my love for my city! 

Perhaps only time will tell what's our loss and what's our gain!