This day, that year…

Lucknow to me is still peculiar!!! 

The gentle, laid-back Tehzib, so reminiscent of the city of Nawabs has given way to the fast-lane junky-funky style of the GenX and I fall in love with Lucknow again this year, as nostalgia takes over and I rewind the transitional journey of this incredible city.. 

I guess this is a fundamental wiring fault in my brain that I keep pondering a lot, over issues which might be of very little importance to all others, but to me they become a subject of vehemence. Somebody once told me “a writer’s expertise lies in seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary, and then producing one piece of literature that becomes a rarity!!!” Huh! As if it is so easy! I said to myself, today, as I sat by myself and reclined on my favorite wooden chair to allow sunlight kiss my being. (The only cool thing about winters is the sunlight!) And as I was thinking about the nuances of the world around me, with closed eyes and an “enlightened Buddha” smile on my face, something that shook me off my near-to-attaining-enlightenment-stage was a thought about my city, my Lucknow! 

Yes! Surprisingly, Lucknow is the only city in contradiction with itself. In fact, it would be deluding, on my part, to call it "a city". Picturesque and mostly peaceful, Lucknow, in spite of bursting at its seams with an ever-overflowing populace and being perpetually clamorous, still retains an old-world spaciousness and a disarming laidback demeanor. Situated on the banks of the river Gomti, a tributary of the mighty Ganges, Lucknow has an "atmosphere" all of its own - one which appeals to the romantic in each one of us. The river lazily meanders along as its snakes its way through the city, bisecting it into two turbulent halves…and each half unfolds its own interesting tale to me! 

Straddling both banks of the Gomti River, the crowded canvas of Lucknow limns vast contrasting features which easily blend with each other. From 'Paan' to Pastas, 'maqbaras' to malls, 'chatpati chat' to candid coffees... Lucknow is one place whose every facet is at its zenith, and I just love it. While Lucknow can be proud of huge tempting malls on one hand, the elegance and grace of 'hamara purana Lucknow' is no less bewitching to me on the other. "The 'nafaasat' and 'nazakat' have still held back their grandeur and appeal till date. 'Adaab' is the very first word reverberated when I see people greet their loved ones, besides exchanging warm love laden hugs. And what’s extremely exciting to me is recalling one of those rainy days when I hung out with my gang of girls, and went nuts clicking photographs of all that came our way under the sun! Or no! For that day I would say “under-the-rain”. And in that moment of ecstasy I looked around and found that even on such rainy days satisfying appetite at the road side 'dhabaas' still remains a fashion incorrigible for all the devotees of simplicity, and the likes of me !!!. ;-) 

All through 2012, when I had ample time on my hands to sneak peek into the real Lucknow and see it as a city from an observer’s eye, I realized the most unmistakable aspect of Lucknow is its people. Primarily because they are everywhere - hanging out of buses, queued in front of cinemas, jostling on the sidewalks - they are just all over the place. "Lucknow is an old style shopper's paradise. The city is fit for all those who still believe that the art of shopping is a divine gifted quality that can only be mastered upon in the congested alleys of old bazaars of Aminabad and Nakhass and Chowk, and not in some air-conditioned malls located in a plush locality. Blended in history, these shopping places also are frequently used as the popular means of passing time and lazy strolling. This does not come as a surprise for a city that is not only famous for its lethargy but also has a sense of pride over it, isn’t it! 

And today when the rest of the world is uprooting itself from its ethical codes and adhering to extreme urbanization, crime rates are soaring doubly high, and women are getting increasingly unsafe, Lucknow stands as an exceptional example of a city which symbolizes grace without losing out on its pace. SANTROs and i-10s might be flooding the roads of innovative Lucknow, but there are still lovers of the 'Tonga' ride! Exchanging greetings at the 'nukkad wala' tea stall and then indulging into crispy gossip with friends while going on a long 'tanga savaari' still fascinates the oldies! Besides, another mesmerizing facet of this city of Nawaabs is the enchanting sweetness and divinity that flows from the language of Urdu. The 'Qawwalis' and the 'Mushaira' séance in the serpentine lanes of Old Lucknow are just the thing to satiate all buffs of Sufism and romanticism respectively, and they transport me to a different world altogether! 

However, nevertheless, the mall culture and retail boom are re-inventing the face of Lucknow making it an urban utopia. With the opening of several swanky new malls, and several others in the pipeline, Lucknow is boasting of designer labels, hypermarkets – all under one roof. Shopping has never been a more pleasurable experience for Lucknowites. And it’s amazing to see how fast Lucknow is changing. Previously I would head for the metros for my favorite brands but today everything’s a square kilometer away. One of my aunt, who always has an opinion on everything under the sun, and who couldn't miss going to “The” Lucknow Mahotsav this year as well, said, “What is interesting in the Mahotsav is depiction of the city itself which is so synonymous with its culinary like Lucknow's famous, the 'Tunda Kavabi', 'Kulcha-Nihari', Biryani, Paya and Halim. Ye to cheap and best hai ji”, she said in a voice soaked in enthusiasm and honey. Never mind I thought, aunts are all always the same!!! 

And the urban Lucknowites, like my aunt, also know how to let their hair down and party if the Page-3 parties in the city are anything to go by. With themes ranging from Caribbean Nights to Indian Weddings, at swanky lounges and prominent hotels, apna Lucknowites are party-hearties! From Teej celebrations to a recently held wine fest which boasted of everything from cocktails, cakes and chocolates to wine Pani Puris, I see people really don't need a reason to party anymore! Don't you feel everything is happening! I think the theme song "Hum Lukhnavi zabardast," of a recently launched FM radio station, aptly describes modern Lucknow, what say!!! 

And yes! Some might say that Lucknow has moved miles away from the graceful Tehzib of the 'Pehle aap' generation, to the step-aside, grab-it-all fast lane – the jazzy cars and snazzy styles, the change hasn’t been significant enough to lessen my love for my city! 

Perhaps only time will tell what's our loss and what's our gain! 

It's a blot on society Santa, where are you!!!

"Damini is still critical Santa, where are you?

An under-eighteen girl, today in Mumbai, has been raped again Santa, where are you?

A busted sex racket, today in Mumbai, said one among four girls was immersed in a water drum in this bone chilling cold, Santa where are you?

A girl patient in Sagar hospital was gang raped again by the hospital's sweepers Santa, where are you?

The grand daughters of Mother Mary (as Lord Jesus is our Father) are being molested, harassed and disrespected Santa, where are you?

Policemen baffled, protesters lathi-charged, women bruised, India gate sealed, metros barred, a cop lost, the PM realizing he's the father of 3 daughters only after a week, the President expressing "grief" the day following the PM's realization and the government still probing the recklessness of the Delhi police in the whole case...

Santa...where are you???

All my life I've grown up learning Santa is the harbinger of peace, harmony and happiness! But this Christmas my faith in the very existence of Santa stands shaken, dwindled, and waning. The emotions within me are all battered and churned up! I yearn to shout but my voice gets muffled! I stop to catch a breath and but have to run again! I fight for my freedom but rarely am allowed to enjoy it! I seldom step out late in the night lest the 'unthinkable' should happen! I grow up being coy, homely and sacrificing and in the end I’m afraid I might lose it all! I want to be heard but end up listening to my father-husband-son!

I don't want to be the 'case study' of society! I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me ! I don't want people to show fake mannerisms of respecting women! I don't want the police to protect me! I don't want the courts to speed up the trials! I don't want help lines that are never answered! I don't want anyone to suggest me the proper dress to wear, proper time to move out and right person to be with!

I'm proud to be a WOMAN! If the society doesn't wake up to me, it might be in for a severe jolt that'd bring it out of slumber permanently! And this time it won't be a slap in the wrist, this time it could get really worse!! My strength is ME! My weapon is ME!
It's time the world must know what it feels and how it feels when a GIRL hits back and hits back with full force!!!
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Enough said, time to ACT !
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And I do miss Santa everywhere, every moment.
But reality has made Santa a fairy tale character for me now!
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Christmas, I wish all a very merry one! But...
Santa...!!! Are you???

Mum is the word for me!! 

   

 “I really missed my Mum’s everything while I was hostelling. Most weekends and sometimes days in between, I would take a few hours break away from the frenzy of the rat race and go and sit quietly, recalling the days spent with her. Over time these quiet hours became an invaluable part of my week. Mum's thoughts would greet me with a radiant smile, Everyday back at home we were so happy to see each other, and for an hour or two we would be encased in the purity of love without any agenda or selfishness. Those hours spent with Mum were precious interludes where I could sort through the clutter in my mind, smooth out the wrinkles in my emotions and allow myself to breathe. Mum’s presence was a tonic, allowing me to see with renewed clarity how foolish my worries were. As I held her shaky hand and stared into her warm eyes, I’d throw my anxiety into the rubbish bin, realizing the triviality of my fears.”

Take a pause and re read! Do you notice a subtle allusion to an impalpable protagonist here? A certain protagonist, not in flesh and blood, but is still felt, rather, abstractly? Don’t you not fail to notice that there’s a relationship, within layers of emotions, that connects the two ladies in the story? Yes! You’re right! Those two ladies are my mum and me! Together we’ve shared a relationship that traverses both time and age, and still overwhelms us so much so that we chose not to let go of this bond ever.

Right after my birth, the first person I came face to face was my mother. The person who held me straight up in her palms was my mother. And therefore of all the primal relationships that I've shared in my life, the one with my mother stands out. It’s a unique blend of warmth, proximity, self-honesty, bitter-sweet arguments, occasional blow ups, and a healthy obsession that does not only stands the test of time but also evolves and improves over the years. And this observation, apparently, throws up a few questions...

Isn't she into boyfriend stuff and all? Well, if you think so, in all probability you are wrong! Chances are that even as the battle for boyfriends gets fiercer amongst Gen Y, here’s another small town girl who lives up that very special bond of her life with her mum. Yes! Hands that once rocked my cradle today play my soul mate. Laughable as the perception may be, but then whether you have a great mother-daughter relationship or one that can be improved, you probably know that a mother-daughter bonding starts at an early age.

When I was five, she was a goddess. I smeared my face with her lipstick and modeled her earrings and high heels, wanting to be just like mommy. That's the way it was until I was about thirteen, when she suddenly became the most ignorant, benighted, out-of-touch creature on the planet, and I couldn’t get far enough away from her. My primary form of interaction for the next five years or so was a single word, "Mooooooooooooommmmmmm!" And then, somewhere between my teens and twenties, I was really lucky; she became my best friend again.

Each of us has a special need to be seen and to be noticed by our mothers, and that's why the loss of one's mother can be so devastating. In a letter at the beginning of Hope Edelman's book, Motherless Daughters, a woman whose mother died when she was thirteen wrote: ''No relationship is quite as primal as the one between a mother and her daughter. It's the original relationship, and it's also a relationship that has been sentimentalized but not honored never realizing the fact that no one in your life will ever love you as your mother does. I lost my mother twelve years ago when I was thirteen. One of the most painful things I realized when my mom died was that I would never again be loved as unconditionally (in this life) as a mother loves.''

Many married women concur that a daughter's need for her mother is biologic, and it continues throughout her life. Not only is my mother's body the source of life for me but also it was her face that I look to, to see how we are doing. When I asked a woman in her thirties how she feels about her mum, she said, “My relationship with my mom has not even changed a bit. The quality of attention we receive as babies determines in part how worthy we feel to be here on the planet. And today, even as an educated adult women, I keep going back to the same well of maternal attention to see if we're okay and lovable and to check out how we're doing."

You can't measure the love between a mother and a daughter. What makes our bond so special and unique is the unconditional love between the two of us, which never demands anything but, gives the utmost it has. Those deep emotions and that profound love, I bet, if can be found anywhere. The mother-daughter bond is designed by nature to become the most empowering, compassionate, intimate relationship that one ever will have. Every girl always spends a quality, personal time with her mother. Though personally I acknowledge that the culture at large plays a significant role in our views of us as women, ultimately the beliefs and behavior of our individual mothers exerts a far stronger influence. Even today, when girls seek contemporaries to confide their sentiments in, I have always found a soul mate in my mom. And we'll always strive to be the best of friends on earth.

It was following this that I, finally recognized the real book that was trying to come through me; not a doctor's parenting manual for mothers and daughters, but an entirely new and empowering way of looking at the mother-daughter relationship. An attempt to find a way to help women of all ages-whether or not they are raising a daughter-heal themselves physically and emotionally at the deepest possible levels.