Till We Meet Again…

"I’ve never given much thought to how I would die, but today, this moment, dying giving birth to a new life seems like a good way to go. One of the few privileges of having met with an accident while you are pregnant, (luckily) your husband is not around and docs can’t reach out to your loved ones is that YOU get to make that one tough decision. Yes! They are mere docs; mortals themselves! At the best of their ability they give you a choice. And a choice IS all that matters in that instance of pride and excruciating loss, you’re a part of at the same time. Least, you can be anything but slow in fulfilling your duty as a mother! So here in this searing jiffy, both by choice and by compulsion, I come to a cold agreement with  my resolution, my end; and let my young one come alive through me to this world.

There are other advantages too:  After taking on that heart rending decision, like a true warrior, like a quivering individual, like a strong mother, you do find those few stolen moments to write to pen down your own obituary.

To the uninitiated, I am Tamanna Shahzaad; I grew up in a burst ling yet laidback town of Lucknow, attended school there, became a noted journalist, got married to a geek, and had a family only to find that I’ll not be a part of it towards the end. And that end would come sooner than thought. Shahzaad, my husband is a gentle, romantic, loving and an adorable man. He stood by me in my toughest of times. We have seen through tough times and rough patches. Our relationship blossomed with every passing day. He is my reservoir of strength. However, there comes a time in life when you need to look for that well of courage within yourself, in the deepest darkest unexplored corners of your mind. To my husband I might have ditched him as a companion, I promised him to stay around forever, but he’ll be a proud father. And then when things sink in, he’ll be a proud husband again to realise the mother overpowered the wife in his woman. And that his wife’s resting in eternal peace having done that!

Alas! Life takes a nasty turn and you only become a story in the end!

Life in one instance poured in an avalanche of ecstasy, more than I could cope with and in the other took away more than I could return. Sometimes life gives you no choice but to share your thoughts with the world, to tell them you’ve been strong, led a worthy existence and that you beholden to this fact!

I am thankful to many people who were an edifice of support for me.

My beloved father and mother - the pillars of my short lived existence on this planet. 

They have an impression so deep in my heart that it keeps getting indelible each day. My in-laws!  My beloved family and friends.

Now, as I look back on the people, relationships, memories and stories I left behind, I can’t help but confess how lovely it had been back then. It was a journey through bliss, only to end in bliss!

Oblivion is calling shots, and I’m content to repose. And for the last few times that my heart throbs slowly against my ribs –it’ll miss this golden disc up there every morn, and the pale white one on the dark night, that lonely walk down the memory lane, that stroll through the busy city, and the one through the sleeping country side, those never stopping roads, the memory of my child’s moves’ in my womb, that holding of hand of Shahzaad to share mutually the thrill of becoming first-time parents. Each of these keeps coming back but I have moved on. I had to.

Beautiful days! Happy to have been here. 

“Shahzaad! Take care of our child!”

Forever yours, in this world, and every other (if there is any!).

Tamanna".